A little blue

I’m having one of those days today. I wish I could describe it. I’m tired, my mind is just emotionally drained, and everything feels wrong. It’s not a major depression day where I feel like my whole world has fallen into pieces, but I just feel… so… blue…

Yesterday I took the kiddos to the park. It was a beautiful day and I know how the kiddos enjoy getting out of the house and using up all their endless energy. There were lots of other mothers and their kids there, and while I was so happy that my kiddos had others to play with, it’s so difficult for me to see other mothers. Three’s and fours’s, groups of women sitting and chatting, doing all those things I so want to do. If only.

You know those days where your coming down with a cold or virus and just as it begins, your depleted of all energy and you just want to lay down and take a good long nap. Be lazy. Do nothing but crash in front of the tv and feel sorry for yourself. That’s kinda what it’s like for me on these blue days. And they habitually seem to follow days where I’m standing behind an imaginary glass wall, just wishing I was a part of those groups of laughter. Conversation.

Today is hard for me because on days where I feel it coming, I usually take the kids to the park or to the mall. Sometimes we even go ride a little outdoor train near us. Just anything that involves activity, sunshine, and adds brightness to my day and theirs.

I’ve got a lot to do today with cake weekend looming. Think 4×6 boxes, wrapped in glittery black scrapbook paper with a bright pink logo, boxes filled with chocolate cupcakes topped with pale pink icing and edible sugar flakes. It really lifts my mood just thinking about how cute these things are going to be when I finish, but it’s difficult for me to force myself to actually work when I’m in such a blue mood.

But if there is anything that I’ve learned these past few years, it’s that I have to be incredibly proactive and almost aggressive in pulling myself out of these moods. If I let myself sit around and entertain the blue, I get pulled into an even deeper depression, making it that much harder to climb out of.

One day maybe I’ll find a book or write a list of things to do to change my mood. Until then, I’ll take a brake from baking and go soak up some sunshine with my kiddos.


One response to this post.

  1. When I was a University student in the early 1970s my Tutor (we actually had personal Tutors in those days) told me that I had a melancholic personality, and that I must learn some coping strategies. At the time I thought this an incredibly harsh thing to say, but I did think about it, and have very slowly built some coping strategies.
    1. Fresh air and exercise are helpful, even if it is raining. Make sure your kiddos and you have all the clothes you need to go outside in the rain. Sitting inside all day is the worst thing you can do.
    2. Music is always an energy booster for me. Maybe it will work for you. I love cooking, but it is always hard to get started. Putting on the right sort of music almost never fails to give that little kick I need to get into the kitchen, put on my apron and make a start. Once I’ve started I’m fine.
    3. I used to look at other people an imagine they were having more fun than me. Years ago, before I had kids I mentioned to a close friend that I’d seeen a woman on the beach, playing with her 4 kids. It made me feel so envious that I cried with self pity. My friend said “How did you know she was happy? Maybe she was worried sick that she couldn’t pay bills or even buy them all an ice cream.”

    I hope this helps.


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