I think I’m in shock.

I really can’t explain it.

Three days ago I found out that I was approved for funding for my one hundred thousand dollar plus surgery and I still have no inkling of excitement. I’m receiving an all expense paid trip to the hospital for a Cochlear Implant(CI) and I haven’t even told anyone. Not one single person. My husband, my mom and dad, and my sister know (because my mom told them), and anyone who might have checked my blog in the last three days, but I haven’t texted or emailed all my relatives or friends or extended family.

My explanation to my odd behavior can only be attributed to the fact that it’s hard to wrap my mind around the whole thing. Over the last year I’ve been tested in about everything even remotely sort of kinda could be somewhat related to having CI. My ears have been poked, prodded, tested, flushed with oxygen, and scanned by an MRI, my brain has been tested by a shrink, my speech and hearing comprehension tested by a vocal therapist, my finances looked at, and do I really need to go on? It’s been emotionally, physically, and mentally so draining that I’ve questioned so many times if it’s even been worth all of this.

And now suddenly after so many emails checking in with my caseworker, reminding my caseworker I’m still alive, and forwarding messages to her boss, I finally finally get a message telling me that I’m approved. Green light. Go. But I’m still sitting here at the stoplight, waiting for excitement to breeze through the intersection.

Monday I have an appointment with my caseworker to go over “The Plan”. I’m still not quite sure what she means by that. I’m certainly hoping that it means scheduling the surgery, but one can never be sure with her. She likes to stall. And she likes summoning me to her office to talk about things, and when I leave I never really understand the point of those meetings. So I guess maybe I’m waiting on Monday to figure out what exactly is going on, when it will happen, and then I’ll consider getting excited?

It’s all the waiting that’s the hard part.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. […] Blogs « I think I’m in shock. […]

    Reply

  2. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian,Earn Free Vouchers / Cash

    Reply

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