Waiting For Morning (My Cochlear Activation Date!)

It’s nearly here, isn’t it? I’m practically beside myself with emotions, but I can’t particularly name them.

After a very many years of living with a sever loss of hearing, and being deaf for over a year beyond that, I decided last year to have surgery for a Cochlear Implant (CI). With a lack of insurance, but using a federally funded state program, I’ve had to jump through hoops to actually have the surgery. But thirty days ago, ironically on my thirtieth birthday, my surgery was completed and after a grueling recovery, I am having my implant activated. The world as I know it will suddenly become a flurry of unimaginable sounds.

But I’m feeling a little weird about it all. Every year my husband and I go on vacation and today I’m experiencing what I’ve dubbed as that Pre-Vacation Syndrome, henceforth PVS. If you’ve never experienced PVS, let me enlighten you.

Vacation is supposed to be this relaxing adventure in search of new memories, but everything prior to that is anything but that. Packing up a family of four, with two children being young enough to go through a couple pairs of clean clothes a day, is one tough job. It requires having all of the laundry clean, dried, folded, and packed up in a suitcase in organized piles. And let’s be honest here. In my house, organized and laundry don’t typically happen in the same sentence.

My husband and I choose a location each year for a vacation for the two of us, and the children stay with my parents. It’s a tradition for the two of us that we have found helps us reconnect as a married couple, and we always recommend it to parents. Especially ones with small children who are rarely away from home. So vacation is important for us. And boy is it hard work to get to.

And I think that maybe this is why I’m experiencing PVS tonight. I feel like I’ve nearly pulled my hair out trying to get to this point, the activation of a piece of technology that will give me a vacation from the lack of sound that I face day after day. Now that vacation my “vacation” from deafness is finally here, now that the plans have come to fruition at long last, I’m just so stinkin’ tired that I don’t particularly have the energy for all that excitement I’m supposed to be feeling.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s ok. Every time we get to the actual day that vacation starts, when we’re on our way to the airport, everything seems to sink in and become real. Vacation becomes alive. So I know that tomorrow after the kids have been left with the sitter, when my husband and I are loaded up in the car traveling to our destination, it will all become clear in my head and I will realize what I’m traveling to.

I can’t even begin to imagine what I hear first, who I hear first, or what sound begins to be clearest. But I do know that although I’m not feeling excitement, I’m just so ready to hear my children. It’s a relief to know that I’ll hear them when they scrape a knee, when my three-year-old daughter slaps my four-year-old son across the face and he needs me, or even when she has had the bathroom water running so long I know the house is half flooded. And it’s overwhelming to think of all the giggles and laughter that will become clear when we have our ticklefests or pillowfights.

Maybe it’s not excitement, or could just be a delay in anticipation. Regardless of emotion, I know it’s time to finally hear.


3 responses to this post.

  1. Congrats! Good luck with it all, my thoughts are with you.


  2. Posted by suenndy on October 14, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    And just why am I crying? Oh because I’m so very excited for you and your family.


  3. Posted by Tina on October 14, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    I saw your post on Pioneer Woman and the name of your blog intrigued me. My sister has a hearing impairment so I have always been sensitive toward the hearing impaired. I just want you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you have a great vacation and your implant does well for you. Good Luck!!!


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