I had a surgery scheduled for Monday. It’s no longer scheduled. Period.
For those of you just tuning in, I had surgery on September 13th to receive a Cochlear Implant. As it happens on rare occasions, my implant failed to activate, and after a few tests, I was scheduled again for surgery to fix my implant.
My husband came home from work a few minutes ago with pretty crazy news. My original surgery was funded by a state program, Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services (DARS), and my caseworker called my husband and told him that we should not go in on Monday for surgery. Apparently the paperwork bureaucracy is at fault in that DARS hasn’t approved to fund everything that my ENT’s office is doing.
When my husband came in and told me that Monday’s surgery was off, all I could do was break down into tears. My first emotional response is that I just hate it all. I hate that every day they postpone my surgery, I’m missing something in my life that is so precious to me.
Thursday was my son’s very first party at his preschool and I couldn’t hear anything his teacher said or asked. I couldn’t hear the chatter of my little boy with his fellow classmates, or even make small talk with any of the other mothers. I miss so much. Every day.
I don’t know who’s to blame for the postponement. I want to point the finger at my ENT because does it really matter who pays for it right now? I shouldn’t even be in this place, since the surgery should have been done right in the first place. But then I wonder if I can live with my finger pointing like that because really my ENT is just an average guy. There’s just no possible way for a person to perform hundreds of surgeries and not mess up at some point. You point the finger if you’re perfect, because I know I’m not.
It certainly doesn’t mean it hurts any less. I’m so devoid of energy at this point to do anything. I just want this fixed and I want to be able to hear again. Frustration at it’s peak!
Diary of a deaf girl 
Posted by Lee Ann L. on October 29, 2010 at 8:58 pm
oh man, that completely stinks! I hope things get resolved and that you can one day get it activated.
Posted by Flyinghigh on October 30, 2010 at 6:09 am
As a child I can remember climbing up into my grandmothers lap for comfort. It always produced that sure feeling of safety and a kind of satisfying peace…settling …..quieting. There is a place in the lap of a good grandmom…she is special. She incourages her own. My mom as deaf and going through a lot of stuff that we deaf people go through and she was good.We had our good times because she was strong and caring to me, but the grandmom has her place too.She supported and she gave. She gave wisdom and help in those times that you would like to kill frustration. Seems frustration is of the air, so you try to clobber it,punch it.stomp it,whatever it. Flaying the air with the arms,or breaking bricks may vent the skin and bones,but nothing is done for the heart………that lap…..that lap…there is where I want to go.Its my Fathers lap that is the place.In all of His comfort to give,that is where to be.My grandmom and my mom must have been there……the appostle John was there…..resting his head on our Savior. Seems like comfort and peace rest in those special places.Those places that we run to….that place of wisdom and understanding as only someone as big as He can hold.